If i come over, it means nothing
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I wish they made helmets for livers.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
