Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Randomize
