So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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