She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Randomize
