K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Small penises have feelings too.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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