If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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