i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
