I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
