She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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