Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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