I feel like abortions should bother me more
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
