What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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