Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
