what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
