So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
