no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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