You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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