Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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