oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
