hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize