She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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