Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
