if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
