i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
