hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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