Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
We had to coat check the pizza.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Randomize
