I just saw a hot homeless man
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i would one night stand the shit outta him
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
