I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
