my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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