is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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