Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
