I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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