Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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