garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
