life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
