Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize
