Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
