i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
