just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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