i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
