ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
