Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
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