im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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