i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
