its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
