i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I need to stop coming to work sober
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Randomize
