I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
