Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
