wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
