Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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