hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
zippers are such a cool invention
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Are we still banned from the library?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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