I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
