i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Randomize
