hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
