i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize