We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
