Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize