I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
