so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
