Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
