somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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