Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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