i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
