He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
