I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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