I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Randomize
