absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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