Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
