Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You're like the curious george of whores
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
