so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
