he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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