Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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