So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize