If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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