What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
