I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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