Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
