The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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