you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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