Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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