Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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