Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize