Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
All I want is dick and wine.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
