Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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