Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
