I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
