Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
