i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
