is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Randomize
