My nipple is on Facebook.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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