pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
