so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
