I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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