he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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