if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
