I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize