I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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