Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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