worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
