bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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