i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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