No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
